The following interview was given to Italian Catholic Online by Joan Fasanello, the founder of Life Choices, a crisis pregnancy in Phillipsburg, New Jersey. You can find out more about this organization at http://www.lifechoicesonline.org/ or by phone at (908) 454-2066.
Italian Catholic Online (ICO): Please tell us a bit about your Italian background.
Joan Fasanello (JF): My family came from Avigliano (in the province of Potenza in the Basilicata region) and Corbara (in the province of Salerno in the Campania region). Both sides of the family came through Ellis Island and settled in New York. You can read a bit more about my paternal great grandfather, Salvatore Minichini, a well-known bandmaster from New York City, on the following website: http://www.lyricbrass.com/minichini/life.html.
ICO: Are you a life-long Catholic? Do you have a special devotion to any saints?
JF: Yes, I’m a life-long Catholic. I’ve always been devoted to St. Frances Cabrini. My youngest daughter is named for her.
ICO: How did you become involved in pro-life work?
JF: I have always been pro-life. I remember the joy with which my family always greeted the news of a new pregnancy. I can remember so clearly my mother letting me feel my little sister moving within her. In college I greatly admired those who were working so hard to save lives.
ICO: What inspired you to begin Life Choices?
JF: Life Choices began informally with prayer and sidewalk counseling. In speaking to women in front of the abortion clinic we realized the help they would need to save the lives of their children. We than began to create a non-profit that met those needs.
ICO: Please describe the types of service that Life Choices offers to women facing a crisis pregnancy.
JF: Life Choices provides free necessities including clothing, diapers, baby equipment, cribs, household essentials and more. Volunteers offer advice and counseling service to expectant mothers and young families. We give the women access to our library of books and videos that deal with pregnancy, child care, nutrition and other related issues. Our women’s health center offers free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds, teaches natural family planning (effective, safe method that helps to space births and/or to achieve pregnancy), screening for sexually-transmitted diseases, and we give the girls accurate information on the consequences of abortion, on adoption and on parenting.
ICO: How many women does Life Choices help each year?
JF: Life Choices assists 500 new women a year. We see 80 to 120 families a week - those who return for help. We have been able to assist 4,034 babies in our 8 years of existence.
ICO: Pro-life issues often divide people, even family members. Have you lost any friends or been given the cold shoulder by any relatives because of your involvement in pro-life work?
JF: No, I am very diplomatic. Over the years, I have seen many conversions. Most people, even those who are pro-choice, want to see abortion as a rarity. When I speak about the women we have worked with, people come to see that abortion is only chosen when women feel they have no other choice!
ICO: On the Life Choices website, one can find many services that are available to women, for which you are to be commended. As far as the youth/young adult outreach goes, do you feel that you have been able to get the message across that sex is a beautiful gift from God which should be reserved for marriage? John Paul II did an excellent job of laying out God's plan for humanity as far as sexual relations are concerned in his extended series of Wednesday audience talks, which are known as the “Theology of the Body”. Most teens and young adults who are schooled in the Theology of the Body teachings develop a greater appreciation and respect for the sanctity of sexual relations. Has Life Choices used any of John Paul II's teachings to help the youths being served?
JF: I really feel so much more needs to be done in this area. Every time a woman comes to us for pregnancy testing we discuss these things. We try to help her to understand God wants her to have the very best! We talk about marriage, real love, forever love. We try to help her to see that a change of life style will help her to gain what her heart is longing for, a good man who will love her and their children forever. We teach the Theology of the Body every day. People are so hungry for the truth. We have also brought in speakers to our local Catholic High Schools. Most memorable was Jason Evert, who we had speak to 10,000 students in about eight different schools. Also, I am frequently invited to speak to 7th and 8th grade Catholic students about these issues. Again and again, I am very impressed by how open the students are to this message. Kids want to know the truth. They want to be respected and not treated as though they cannot control themselves. Many of them have been hurt by divorce and their parents’ mistakes. They want better. We would love to have the funds necessary to do so much more!
ICO: You already mentioned that Life Choices offers free ultrasounds to pregnant women. Have you found that women willing to have an ultrasound are more likely to choose life?
JF: At least 90% of the women intending to have an abortion who come to us choose life after seeing their baby in an ultrasound. Our carefully developed advertising program brings them to us instead of to abortionists.
ICO: Many men and women who are pro-abortion try to convince the world that there is no lasting emotional impact on women (and men) from abortion. According to Theresa Burke, the founder of Rachel's Vineyard, there was a time when it was tough to be able to grieve the loss of an aborted child because the world denied there was anything to be sad about. Life Choices offers counseling to women who have had abortions. What has your experience been with post-abortive women?
JF: Many of my friends have confided to me that they are post-abortive. They carry a sadness that just doesn’t go away. They find the Lord’s forgiveness in the beautiful Sacrament of Reconciliation, and peace through programs like Rachel’s Vineyard, but it is hard to forgive themselves. I have seen women who aborted a year ago and some 40 years ago. Post-abortive women have been very supportive of our work.
ICO: In our day and age, it’s not uncommon for the parents of large families to get dirty looks or to overhear comments while out in public questioning their sanity for having so many children. Many couples, after having two children, are asked by friends and co-workers if they are “finished”, and are often looked upon as out of their minds if they plan to have more. The couples who are open to having more than the standard small number of children often face questioning about how they will afford to pay for the education of their offspring, how they will be able to take vacations, and how they will ever have a minute of freedom. Have you counseled women who are debating whether to abort a child because they already have "too many" children to care for?
JF: Yes, sometimes people come to us because they are struggling to provide for their other children. That is one of the reasons we feel it is so important for us to provide very real help for families…tangible necessities. In this affluent world, finances should never be a reason for another person to die. We also teach natural family planning (NFP) so that couples can control their fertility and space their children. Many of our clients have what the Church would call “grave and serious reason to avoid pregnancy”. NFP is very healthy, morally acceptable, and 100% reversible! I have 4 kids myself and have heard this type of questioning and criticism too many times. How sad. Our children are our greatest joy! My advice to couples who put up with dirty looks and comments is to wear the joy you have because of your large family on your sleeve. Your joy will make your friends and acquaintances jealous. Tell them how happy your kids make you and what a blessing they are. My oldest is now 20 and my youngest is 11.
ICO: Please describe the types of women who visit Life Choices for help (e.g. age range, reason for considering abortion, etc). Do you see many girls in their late teens that are there because giving birth might cause their boyfriends to leave them? Do you see women who may be in a “good” marriage, but may not want to give birth because of the loss of freedom, financial reasons, or pressure from their husbands? What about women in their late 30’s or early 40’s who may be there only because of pressure or embarrassment brought on by a culture that tells them they are far too old to have a child?
JF: Most women having abortions are actually in their early twenties. I have seen women with many different “reasons” for considering abortion. Certainly all that you have mentioned. Many times the young woman’s parents are pushing her to abort. A boyfriend says he will leave her if she doesn’t. Some say, “I just don’t want this baby.” Others are just terrified to tell their parents. Many Christian girls will abort their children rather than let their parents know they have failed to be chaste. The population we see does follow exactly the same demographical expectations for those likely to abort. We are truly competing with the abortionists. We do see women of all ages. Here are some stats for you:
- 35% of our clients were teens
- 42% = 20-25 years of age
- 11% = 26-30 years of age
- 8% = 31-40 years of age
- 2% = 41+ years of age
- 2% did not respond
ICO: In April 2001, you gave testimony at a public hearing before the New Jersey Senate Law and Public Safety Committee about the need for a parental consent law in order to protect minors from statutory rape and/or potential health risks related to abortion. Unfortunately, your voice fell upon too many deaf ears because the website of New Jersey clinics that perform abortions still read, “Parental consent is not required”. Has the staff at Life Choices dealt with teenage girls under 18 years of age who may have been impregnated by men who could be found guilty of rape or statutory rape? Also, do you believe that New Jersey will ever pass a parental consent law?
JF: New Jersey is a horribly liberal state. I hope soon there will be a national law to protect our young women. Life Choices has been visited by young girls in situations like these, and we always report to the proper authorities.
ICO: Many pro-abortion men and women claim that too many pro-lifers urge women to choose life and then abandon them. Please tell us more about the services that Life Choices provides for the women who they convince to choose life after they give birth.
JF: We provide just about any of the essentials one can think of. Our office is well stocked with baby and maternity necessities. All these things are shared for free. Churches have baby showers for us and individuals donate their used items. Literally, truckloads come in every week and truckloads are given away. We promise we will help in any way that help is needed. We have paid bills and spent hours listening and caring for those in need (e.g. financial aid, clothing, baby items, counseling).
ICO: Life Choices is a not-for-profit charitable organization. How have you been able to raise the funds necessary to carry on this work of mercy?
JF: We have a fall fundraising banquet, a spring walk for life, and we give out baby bottles in churches and ask people to return them full of change. Last year we raised $44,000 from the baby bottles. Individual Catholic churches and Evangelical churches make monthly donations to us. Ultimately, we depend on Our Lord to provide for our needs. We pray all the time. I know that the Lord cares about the women and children we serve way more than we can even understand. We work hard to take care of His people. He gives us what we need to do so. When things get tight I remind him, “They are yours Lord.” He has never let us down.
ICO: Have you received support from your family?
JF: Our family is committed to working for life and each of them helps out at our center frequently. My daughter Teresa, age 20, translates for our Spanish-speaking clients and does clerical work and proof-reading. My son John (named after St. John Bosco), age 17, is our handyman. My daughters Elizabeth and Frances, ages 15 and 11 respectively, sort clothing and help with the mailings. My husband John is also very helpful at the center.
ICO: Do you have any specific good news you would like to share about your experience with Life Choices?
JF: We recently purchased a motor home that we will be converting to a mobile ultrasound unit. This will allow Life Choices to assist even more women in danger of abortion, ultimately saving new lives. We have just begun to make the changes necessary.
ICO: Have you met any children who are alive today because of the service you provided to their mothers when they did not know where to turn?
JF: We have seen hundreds of children that Life Choices has saved from abortion! What an awesome feeling it is! Our Holy Family Center, which provides tangible necessities to families, sees 80 to 120 families per week. Many of the children in these families are among those who we saved from abortion. We have had relationships with some families for years now. We get to see our babies grow. Moms stop in to show us how the baby can now walk, or has a new tooth. Sometimes moms stop in to tell us they have a degree, new job, got engaged! Frequently I bump into our moms in local stores. I love to see our babies! This gives us the energy to continue!
ICO: Have you had any success in being able to convince young girls to choose life and put the children up for adoption when it seems to be the best option?
JF: Absolutely, we have seen how beautiful adoption can be in saving the life of a child, while preserving the dignity of the mother. Just last week I was invited to visit a couple that adopted one of the children saved through our work. She is gorgeous and her new parents are so very happy. She has a good home. Her biological mom is a good mother because she made such a loving choice. She has peace in her heart!
ICO: In order to advance pro-life causes, we have to win the battle for the hearts and minds of all men and women. This won't happen if too many people who claim to be pro-life sit on their hands without lifting a finger for support. What is your advice to someone who may be pro-life, but has been hesitant to become actively involved in any way? There may be someone out there who wants to see an end to abortion, but is afraid of being labeled a crackpot or losing friends if he or she gets involved in pro-life work. What is your message to a person like this?
JF: My gut reflex is risk it! There are many things that need to be done, many roles to fill. I am sure that each of us can find our niche. I would recommend reaching out to local pregnancy resource centers. They always need help.
ICO: Do you have any advice for parents who would like to raise their children to respect life from the moment of conception to natural death? How and when do parents need to begin spreading the message of life among their children? I ask this because, if we as parents don't share with our children how sacred unborn life is, they will be at risk of receiving the message of the culture of death from TV shows, music, movies, etc. It will be much harder to spread the message of life to our children after they've been brainwashed by the world to become pro-choice.
JF: I have struggled with this myself for my four kids. We watch almost no TV, but do use videos after carefully checking them out first. We also made the decision to home school our kids. Frequently people who think they are very pro-life have too much of the contraception attitude mixed in what they say. Be careful never to complain that others have “too many kids” Instead we should be offering to help. Make sure your kids know they are the best thing that ever happened to you! Talk to your teens about chastity and how the sacraments give us the strength to live pure lives. But tell them they can come to you if they fall and you will love them and their unborn children.
ICO: Are there any specific stories that you would like to share with us that can give our readers a glimpse into the life-savings actions that Life Choices has provided?
JF: Without using real names for the sake of the privacy of those we have helped, I have a couple of heartwarming stories. One little boy is alive today after his young mother and father, already struggling to provide for three children, felt that they had no option but to abort the unborn child. When I met her, I promised that we would work to make it easier for them to care for four children than it had been to care for three children! I invited her to come across the street to our Women’s Health Center. I promised that I would tell her more about how we could help them and that we would do a free ultrasound so she could see her little one. When she saw him on our ultrasound screen, he was moving about, kicking and swinging his little arms. We filled the room with the sound of his heart beat. Because the child’s mother believed we would help them and knew we cared, she chose life for her baby! He is now a beautiful baby and has brought joy into the lives of his family members.
ICO: That’s a wonderful story. Please tell us the other one that you have in mind.
JF: I met a young woman a few years ago in front of an abortion clinic who is now the happy mother of a little boy. She was a college student when she discovered she was pregnant. When she went to apply for medical care, a woman at the office tried to convince her that she would have no future if she did not abort the child. When I met her in front of the abortion clinic, I promised her that she could do anything she wanted to if she put her mind to it. I convinced her that her little baby would not make it impossible for her to finish school, but could instead help to keep her motivated. I promised we would help her and she chose life for her son after seeing him on our ultrasound screen. Not only does this young lady finish school, but she went on to earn a Master’s degree. She currently works for her college admissions office and is happily married to the baby’s father.
ICO: Finally, please assess the overall situation as far as life issues goes. Do you think we, as pro-life advocates, are winning this war? Do you see hope in the future for truly changing the hearts and minds of pro-choice men and women?
JF: The Bible tells us the good guys win in the end! Each day we are closer. But as individuals, we have to remember what Mother Teresa taught us: “The Lord doesn’t ask us to be successful, just faithful!”
